A broken heart and a spirit of defiance cultivated in me a numbness that has taken root in my life for the last number of years. When I was a teenager, just graduated from high school, I walked through a turmoil and grief so great that it threatened to consume me. I had never before been so broken, and I struggled with the lack of control I felt while in the midst of that heartache.
Being young and stubborn, I set myself to the task of turning away from the emotions that had run so rampantly through me. And, little by little I distanced myself from hurt and pain, and consequently also from hope and joy—and as weeks turned to months turned to years, I learned that I had fallen into a depression. I had so removed myself from my emotions that I had sentenced myself to emotionless days, weeks of deep numbness that drew me within myself and turned my heart from the world.
Even now, I catch myself in the familiar rhythms of retreat—I pull away from the depths of my emotions to exert some sort of control over my life.
But Jesus calls me, time and time again, back towards himself. Into his embrace where I can release the hurt and the fear, the grief, the pain… And begin to re-enter the hope, the joy, the life, and the love that he has to offer.
Today I surrender control over my emotions, and trust that Jesus is the King of my heart—whether my heart is broken and shattered, or full to overflowing. Where can Jesus meet you today, as the King of your Heart?
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